Max Maverick Novel “Romancing the Night Bus”

Oh, those buses. You never know who you’ll meet on them, and how you’ll be drenched in sweet words. Each ride is a stressful ordeal. But sometimes, it’s fun, and quite enlightening for the onlookers. You begin to understand people’s interests and life goals, and it can be quite shocking. Some might even find it exciting, take note, and change their course.

On a usual, uneventful evening, with a sense of foreboding, wondering how many times someone will step on my foot or a proud-looking individual will hit me with their bag, I hopped on the bus and found myself in the middle of a budding love affair. While paying my fare, I pulled out one earbud to stay informed about the situation, and to assess the genre of the unfolding drama: would it be a melodrama, a comedy, an action flick, or perhaps even a fantasy tale?

He, a slightly tipsy vampire of mature years with a bit of a belly, and she, a beautiful earthling of Balzacian vintage in red shorts and a youthful braid, were engaged in what seemed like an adulterous affair. I took a seat across from the lovely earthling, preparing to immerse myself in this romantic narrative. As per my wishes, the tipsy vampire steered toward my fellow countrywoman and began to flirt. She smiled sweetly, and things were looking promising until a young, slender woman with sharp fangs stood before the vampire. A werewolf, it seemed, and he couldn’t resist her charms. His eyes lit up greedily, and his mouth curled into a carnivorous smile.

“Hello, beautiful,” he exclaimed. “Care to join me?”

“Where do you think you’re going, old timer!” protested his Balzacian earthling. “This isn’t your age category, don’t embarrass yourself.”

I certainly didn’t expect this turn of events. What could he offer her? A young, attractive lady, albeit with small assets. She sat next to me, grinned, and said, “I’ll join, provided you have a Bentley, a villa in Spain, and a million euros in your account.”

My last earbud slipped from my ear. It seemed to have been ejected by my ear, which was absorbing all the drama. Inside me, a nasty voice squeaked, “Learn, learn, Mary, this girl knows the score, or you’ll be riding buses until retirement.”

“And won’t I be riding them after retirement?” I asked.

“You will, but on the senior citizen bus with your social card,” the nasty voice retorted.

“Yes, I have a car,” the vampire exclaimed. “My name is Val.”

“But why are you hitting on people on the bus?” the earthling woman scolded him. “This isn’t your age group; don’t embarrass yourself.”

I sighed, just one step away from a Spanish villa. “That’s awful,” I said, conspicuously returning the earbuds to both ears, but muting the sound.

“What about the villa in Spain?” the werewolf asked with bared fangs.

“It’s all yours,” the vampire said, grinning. “Agree, my dear.”

“Good Lord, that’s revolting!” the abandoned vampire’s earthling exclaimed. “Driver, stop wherever you have to. I’m afraid I’ll get nauseous right on this…”

“Bus,” I supplied.

The outraged woman left the bus. I continued to observe this nonsense: money and sex, intertwined.

“What knees!” I couldn’t help but give a chuckle. “For them, I’ll throw in a gym membership and a cruise.”

I kept an eye on the vampire’s hand, which had found its way to my knee.

“Get lost! I haven’t signed up for your villa or your Lacetti,” I grumbled. “You’ve gone completely bonkers. How could you mix up the knees? Do your eyes have quadruple vision?”

“Don’t worry, I can handle both of you,” the vampire said cheerfully. “Two knees are better than one. Besides, the villa in Spain is quite spacious. I’ll put you in separate wings so you won’t fight.”

“I’m leaving,” the earthling declared, pushing me aside with her elbow.

I was just a step away from my Spanish villa. “This is your chance,” the nasty voice piped up in my head. “Grab the vampire by his stone balls and don’t let go until the plane lands in Barcelona.”

“Am I not going to ride them after retirement?” I asked.

“You will, but on the senior citizen bus with your social card,” the nasty voice replied.

“Goodbye,” said the deserted vampire, chasing after the doubtful young woman.

“This ain’t no joke, we met on the bus,” someone sang in my ear and added, “Hold Grandma’s bag wider.”

“Who are you?” I looked at the young man who had spread out next to me.

“I’m the one who won’t let the prophecy come true, and you’ll grow old alone. In the world, I’m Pat.”

“Juli. And outside the world?”

“Call me Patty, sweetly and tenderly.”

“Isn’t that a bit too much for a first meeting?” I asked.

“Notice, I’m not touching your knees; I’m helping collect the potatoes,” Pat answered.

“But what about a villa in Spain?” the werewolf inquired.

“It’s all for you,” the vampire cheered. “Say yes, sweetheart.”

“Lord, this is disgusting!” the abandoned vampire’s earthling cried. “Let me off wherever, I’m afraid I’ll get sick right on these…”

“Characters,” I suggested.

The disgruntled woman left the bus. I continued to gaze at this nonsense, centered on money and sex.

“What knees! I’ll give a gym membership and a cruise for them,” I said.

I followed Vlad’s vampire hand, and it turned out to be on my knee.

“Get lost! I haven’t signed up for your villa or your Lacetti,” I grumbled. “You’ve gone completely nuts. How can you mix up the knees? Do you see quadruple?”

“Don’t worry, I can handle both of you,” the vampire said cheerfully. “Two knees are better than one. Besides, the villa in Spain is quite spacious. I’ll put you in separate wings so you won’t fight.”

“I’m leaving,” the earthling declared, pushing me aside with her elbow.

I was just a step away from my Spanish villa. “This is your chance,” the nasty voice piped up in my head. “Grab the vampire by his stone balls and don’t let go until the plane lands in Barcelona.”

“Am I not going to ride them after retirement?” I asked.

“You will, but on the senior citizen bus with your social card,” the nasty voice replied.

“Goodbye,” said the deserted vampire, chasing after the doubtful young woman.

This ain’t no joke, we met on the bus, they sang in my ear and added, “Hold Grandma’s bag wider.”